RESOURCES
How to help?
In addition to attending visitation or a service, there are other ways to show you care and help the family during this time.
- Give a “freezer” meal, or a no preparation required dinner.
- Give a gift certificate to a local restaurant or offer to have them over for a meal. This will give them a reason to get out of the house and socialize. Do not force the social interaction on them but leave it as an open offer for when they are ready.
- Offer to help with house chores or yard work, especially if their late spouse typically looked after those tasks. This will be appreciated as simple day to day tasks may feel overwhelming.
- Offer to babysit or watch the young children to give grieving parents a break.
- Check in with the family a few weeks after the service or death has occurred. This will let them know you are still there for them during this difficult time
- Invite them to holiday events. This is when grief can be felt the most, traditions change and being alone during this time can feel extremely isolating.
- There are many things you can do to support the family during this trying time.
How do I Make a Condolence Call?
To express your sympathies and console the surviving family members, here are some helpful “do’s” and “don’ts” to assist you.
- If you’re really not sure whether or not you should make the call, then do it. The family will certainly appreciate it.
- The purpose of the call is to express sympathy and offer assistance. Try not to make it a long “social” event.
- Dress neatly and tastefully, if visiting at home.
- If the family members wish to talk, fine. Be a good listener!
- A simple “I’m sorry” is appropriate, along with a firm handclasp, or brief embrace.
- Leave after offering your help to the family.
- Call back in a few days. The family will appreciate your thoughtfulness.
What to say to a Grieving Spouse?
Because it is so difficult to know how a grieving person really feels, we advise that you NOT say “I know how you feel”. It is not necessary to force a conversation, nor to extol the virtues of the deceased to the grieving family.
Silent expressions of emotion and compassion (like a firm gripping of the hand) and a simple, “I’m sorry”, are frequently more eloquent than talkative attempts at eulogies. Listening and just “being there” shows that you care. Your presence is an indication of your desire to be sympathetic and comforting. Above all, don’t try to jolt a grieving spouse of his or her grief.
They must first accept the loss, then begin to live with it and pass through several emotional stages before the natural healing effects of time take hold.
