Should Children be Involved in a Funeral?
Just
as with adults, children need to express their feelings of grief. To
deny your child this
emotional outlet is to handicap
his/her natural, maturing
development.
Children can cope with death better than you may expect.
A child’s emotional resiliency is truly remarkable and often under-rated. With adequate preparation, a child may attend the funeral and will be all the better for it. But the child must be told what to expect at the funeral. If he or she understands what is happening, there’s a better feeling during and after the ceremonies.
Do not force the child to attend, though. If the youngster often tends to be highly emotional, keep them home and have them join the family later. Each child may react differently, but if you anticipate any problems, feel free to discuss this with your funeral director, at your convenience. He will give you his advice, based on his/her experience.
What Should a Child be Told About Death?
Do you explain Grandpa’s death to your child with a fairy tale? Or do you answer truthfully and simply, so that the child may relate his grandfather’s death to familiar things: flowers, for example, which live, grow, wither and finally die?
We believe the flower example can be understood by a child, because it relates to things he’s seen and can grasp. “Flowers”, you may explain, “don’t live a long time, but we like them while we have them. Grandpa lived a long time and you and he had many good times together. But like the flowers, he too, has died. We will remember him with love, wont we?”
A child needs to understand that what has happened is a natural course of events – like the seasons and the rising and setting of the sun. A child comes closer to his family through such honest involvement, maturing as he finds his/her own sadness is shared and understood.
